Good Old Chippy

Well, a couple weeks ago I was in the car with my friend Laura and she listens to Moody radio everyday. On the air was a guy named Chip Ingram was speaking and I thought he was awesome. He's very much into marriage and relationships God's way. I'm not usually very impressed with speakers but this guy is just real and plain spoken. He is great whether you are married or not. You can listen online or down his podcasts on his website . Hope you enjoy.

The President Or Jesus

I just wanted to address a couple things in light of the election and the state of our country. It seems alot of my friends are dissappointed at the events that have taken place and feel that now our country is doomed. I hope to shead some light on the ideas that have been recently presented to me through prayer and discussion with other Christians. As I prayed for this election over the past weeks, I have not felt led to pray that one certain candidate will win, but that truth will be revealed and that the right man will have the title. I don't believe the right man means the most righteous, the most saavy, the coolest....I think it just means the guy who will fill the role as the figurehead of our nation...whether it is the man we would like to have or the man we deserve. In class yesterday we were discussing political ethics and how our morals should influence our voting...but that it should go beyond just voting...that voting should merely be an aspect of an everyday reality...that we are passionate for righteousness. The Kingdom of God does not come through the president nor through legislation, but through the Church. I woke up feeling heavy-hearted this morning, not because Obama is president, but because I see the Church shirking off responsibility and looking to the world to accomplish what God's people were called to do. Obama, McCain, Whitney Housten...it doesn't change the identity of the Church who is president because no matter what changes around us, God is the One at the helm of our hearts. So, if the mountains should fall down around us, if the taliban should bomb the crap out of us, if our economic system goes belly-up, the faithfulness of God does not fail, my purpose doesn not change, our call has not diminshed. It is a choice whether we sit back on our republican or democrat soap boxes and fold our stubborn hands in self-pity, or get up and go do what God is doing in the earth. Does our hope lie in the strength of a man? WE ARE THE CHURCH! I AM THE CHURCH!!! So, what are we fighting for here? Our right to be lazy because someone we trust will do it all for us? I hope not or I am scared for the fate of the American Church. This is no time to be lazy, lethargic, or dependant upon society to give us identity. It is time to rise up, seek the face of God, and repent for being too self-absorbed to realize that if righteousness is not the cause of our nation, it is because it is not the cause of those who call themselves by the name of Christ. PERIOD.

A Shout Out To The Brothers

My neighbor is going through a very difficult time right now as her marriage is falling apart due to unrepentant infidelity on the part of her husband. It breaks my heart and I keep telling her that he doesn't deserve her. He says he loves her and their autistic son, but chooses to stay with his girlfriend of a year and hald and her three children from three different men. I am trying to be there for her but I am completely unexperienced in this area and am infuriated by advice for her to "wait it out because he might come to his senses soon". I put my foot down there and I look her in the eye and I tell her that I don't care if he comes to his senses, he has made choices that have altered 17 years of marriage no matter what he does now. She does not deserve to be treated like this. She has been faithful, caring, and a fulltime caregiver to their son. The man would be happy to keep everything the way it is...girlfriend included. Gross! Where am I going with this, you might ask? Ok, yesterday she was expressing her feelings to me about life and the helplessness she felt and how her marriage had failed. She then commented emphatically about how there are no good men in this world and that every man has a woman on the side (or so her mother says). EEEEHHHHHH!!!!!!!! I loud buzzer went of in my head at the error of this statement as I told her that my experience was quite different. It was at that moment I realized how uncommon my life must be and how blessed I am to know men, several men, who have never given me this worldview that men are cheaters and liars. First, I look to my father. He is a rare man indeed but one I have known my whole life and as much as we have clashed in certain views, I have never doubted his faithfulness to my mother. I have never even seen my dad look at another woman, let alone flirt or more. My father speaks so highly of my mother when she is not around that I swell with pride that I am part of a man like this. My father sees my mom across the room and asks me, "Isn't your mom beautiful?" Or the anxiety he gets over holidays to get my mom things that will let her know how much she is worth to him. I tell him he is going overboard, he says "It's your mother, it is never enough." This is the man I have grown up with, and this is the man I have taken for granted. This man, not perfect, has ruined most men for me, but I thank him so much. He has shown me how real men treat their wives and other women. Then, there are most of my guy friends, honest, trustworthy and full of integrity. My brother in law, Joel. I'm so proud of him. Paul Jerome, a true hero in his marriage. Jorgen, so beautiful in heart. I could go on, but I just want you to know, both men and women, that good guys exist and they don't go unnoticed. Whether married or not, your integrity and honor is valued and stands as a monument in the midst of the ridiculous selfishness that prevades our society today. Women are very much at fault too....that's another subject for another day. :) So, if you are a man honoring your wife in faithfulness both inwardly and outwardly....THANK YOU. If you are a single guy and you might feel like your faithfulness to your calling bites the big one, it might feel like it but I'm honored to know you. You are all heroes in my eyes. That's all....I could go on because I'm so proud of you but I hope you get the point. Don't take your job lightly no matter how thankless it feels at times. Be the men that God has made you to be, and stand firm against the stupidity of this world. You are beautiful.

The Heart Brings You Back

I had a dream lastnight that, of course was weird, but was also strangely exciting. At first I was at a huge house preparing for something....seemed like a missions type thing....All I know is it had big wooden doors and lots of stairs. Then I dreamt a whole van full of orphans were coming to a camp "we" were hosting and they were from somewhere in Asia. When they arrived they were all mostly blond so I'm not sure how this pans out but that is just the way my mind works. So, all these children were running around, some teenagers who were complaining about how boring the activities were that we were doing, and the others were very little children. So, up to this point not much signoficant is going on. The part that really struck me came now... so it was coming time for the orphans to go back to Asia (in their 15 passenger van) and I was talking to an older lady who worked with the children. She asked me, "Won't you miss the children when they are gone?" I felt she was trying to get me to come back with them because some of the kids were attached to me. I told her very flatly how I doubted it would effect me because I've done it all when it comes to working with children. In my head I was leaning proudly yet cynically on my past that involved the passing of hundreds of children in and out of my arms. I've fallen in love with children from babies to 19 years of ages, watched them struggle, watched them ache, watched them love me and then watched life move on to another group of desperate children. It has been thankless and honestly, I've let selfishness or fear get involved too often to leave these situations quite ready for the next. So, back to the dream. The day finally came for the 30 something blond kids to pack up into the van and drive back to Asia. I stood there watching them get on, at first very snidely..."yup, go home little children. Don't give me those looks..." Then I just began weeping and crying and chasing after the children who were getting on the van. I started frantically asking questions about adoption and which ones were able to be adopted. I stood and waved and cried and then I woke up. I woke up happy because I realized that in all my cynicism and attempts at being wordly wise....I am still broken by brokeness. That may seem a strange thing to be happy about, but I have always seemed a jack of all trades, master of none. I don't have overwhelming talents that I can market and I'm not interested in climbing the corporate ladder. In fact, I suck completely at office work...which has caused me to feel like a loser before because I seemed good for nothing productive. The one thing I am good at is loving the fatherless, whether little or big, and I'm not sure how that pans out in a world where so much is acheivement driven and I have nothing to show for myself but pictures and memories. I was once quite content to be nothing in this world but everything to a few...then you grow up and the world of finances eats away at your dreams. I have to figure out how to rightly balance the two...so I'm praying for direction and I'd appreciate your prayers as well.


Beside the waters I lay down
Overcome by strange emotion
And here I sought the end to come
And here I begged to end it all
And here I longed to leave my soul
In the expanse of deeper oceans

Beside the fire I lay down
Deaf, Blind, and lame
And wished that there was something more
And dreamed I knew of deeper things
And yearned to find a truer wisdom
In the warm and blazing flame

Beside the orphan I lay down
Upon the filthy street
And there I saw You face to face
And there I gazed into Your eyes
And there I learned to gain the world
For you and not for me

This I Behold

In a culture where there is mass histeria about youth and
beauty, I sometimes find myself getting sucked in. I see perfectly toned bodies, inflated boobs, and puckered lips and it's a natural reaction to look in the mirror and begin taking inventory of how I fall short. A few minutes ago I was here (where I still am) doing internet things (*cough *cough wasting time) and I caught my reflection in the screen as the morning sun reflected off face. I saw the delecate signs of age forming around my mouth, tired eyes, and the gentle creases in my brow from years of giving people "the look" (which I should have stopped long ago). Normally this would start a panic in my stomach because my youth is "fleeing fast from me"....or something like that. It's true, my face is a little different than it was a few years ago, but so am I. There are no wrinkles on my soul, although I can feel so old sometimes. I have lost sight of what really matters....I used to know and understand this better....who I have become to me is priceless. Of course I'm not perfect by any means, but I appreciate the woman that I have become and how the years have marked the faithfulness of God in my life. I can look back over the years and see how far I have been carried and loved and corrected by my Creator. I can't lie, I lose perspective easily lately. I'm restless, I'm wondering what direction I'm heading in, and at times I feel discouraged because life hasn't quite panned out as the exotic adventure I always new it would be. It's isn't over yet.... I'm 30, not dead, and yes, the signs of age are defining the passing of time for me, but the passage I have been led through has been amazing. I also love the fact that with the Lord, the end is better than the beginning.... So, this morning I am reminded again that the One who began a good work in me will be faithful. I have a future ahead of me and things can change in an instant. I forget who it is that is leading me. No boring wooden god who must be appeased as his whims, but a real, fathomless depth of beauty, mystery, adventure, and creativity. Why do I forget so easily? My youth is not fleeing from me, but hopefully my immaturity and far-sightedness is.... one can only hope :)

The Surprise of Hope

This morning I woke up earlier than usual and went to let my friend's dog out. I opened the front door at 8am and was met by Spring. It was breath-taking! The air was crisp but not freezing, birds were singing from every direction, and the smell of new and growing things was all around me. I looked down to see a tulip growing in my flower box and hope sprang anew in my heart. The winters are by no means harsh here and the grounds are not covered by layers of snow and dirt that do not melt away until April, but the birds are silent and gone, the grass is yellow, and it can get quite fridged. Whereas in New england I felt trapped and depressed, the winters here just make me feel blah. I love that God created seasons that we may have a visual of His faithfulness in every season. I love that our lives reflect those rotations, and though we dispise winter and all the death of us that seems to come and the songs of our hearts that are silenced, Spring comes suddenly and dramatically, like the entrance of a lovely lady, breathing beauty and the promise of new things. I have never been more convinced of God's faithfulness in my life as I have been the last few months, and now a fresh breath has filled my lungs. The grass is still yellow, and the trees bare, but life is poking up through the dead places and songs are returning to the valley again.

"My beloved spoke, and said to me:
'Rise up, my love, my fair one,
And come away.
For lo, the winter is past,
The rain is over and gone.
The flowers appear on the earth;
The time of singing has come,
And the voice of the turtledove
Is heard in our land.
The fig tree puts forth her green figs,
And the vines with the tender grapes
Give a good smell.
Rise up, my love, my fair one,
And come away! '"
Song of Songs 2:10-13

My Cup of Children

This week I have come to realize the treasures that God has placed in my hands at almost every step of my journey. From the outside, I am single and a student that has had a thousand odd jobs over the past 10 years. Not too much to show in the way of a collected life...no, house, no family, no career...or at least that is the way I have looked it at times... sadly. Over the years since high school I have been blessed with hundreds of children that still remain in my heart to this day. My first babies being my Romanian children that I still think about and cherish their memories even though I have lost contact with them. Then my babies at the daycare that mostly all came from broken families and had great needs. I still miss them and wonder what they are doing. Then my babies from Atlanta that grew up being verbally abused and ignored and I ache to know where they are and what they are doing. My babies from a NH group home that took me to the limits of unconditional love and I got to see the Father/Mother heart of God that cries against injustice and rejection. Now I have my babies in the Boys and Girls Club that I have fallen in love with and every day I get to hug and love on as if they were my own. I get to tell them that they are beautiful and smart and loved. I get to wrap my arms around them and listen to them. I get to challenge them to be more than they have been made to feel that they can become. Oh, how God has blessed my life. In the past it has been easy to see all the loss I have felt when "my children" are released from my care and I am called on to a different place...but back at the group home in 2004 I realized that God had called me to be a foster parent for Him. That these broken, precious, abandoned children were brought to me to care for as a mother for a time and then release to God's care. This is my career. My arms have been the loving home of hundreds over the years and this will always be so. I cannot put all the pieces back together and make the world complete, but I can be the arms of Christ for whomever he places in my care. I just feel so honored and full and satisfied in where God has placed me, and who He has created me to be. Not alone, not amounting to nothing, not a failure, not empty (which I have sometimes heard echo in my head) but my cup overflows as I love my God by wrapping my arms around the broken and the fatherless.


Beside the waters I lay down
Overcome by strange emotion
And here I sought the end to come
And here I begged to end it all
And here I longed to leave my soul
In the expanse of deeper oceans

Beside the fire I lay down
Deaf, Blind, and lame
And wished that there was something more
And dreamed I knew of deeper things
And yearned to find a truer wisdom
In the warm and blazing flame

Beside the orphan I lay down
Upon the filthy street
And there I saw You face to face
And there I gazed into Your eyes
And there I learned to gain the world
For you and not for me

ALM 2003