tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-84697991959177899212011-10-08T23:41:32.785-05:00...Seeking Truth In The Deepest PartsAmberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07495443607410077549noreply@blogger.comBlogger351100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8469799195917789921.post-36263758956147344912011-01-17T11:25:00.006-05:002011-01-17T18:14:21.177-05:00

I don't know anyone who has come out of 2010 feeling absolutely dumped on, failed, wasted, and lost. 2010, for whatever reason, has been the year of what seemed like boundless dumping. Not that everything was bad, but the year was heavy, and often what seemed like perfect places for growth turned into places of hardship. 2011, more than any other year before, has met me at the doorway with

Amberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07495443607410077549noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8469799195917789921.post-3783507357984232232011-01-09T09:48:00.002-05:002011-01-09T10:13:40.465-05:00

I don't know what drew me back to my blog which has been clearly neglected and all but forgotten. Things are changing, I guess; or perhaps, the prospect of a new year has me thinking more than usual (hence the smoke rising from my ears). 2010 was one of the longest years of my life. I swear, if I didn't have proof, there is no way you could convince me that everything I remember took place in

Amberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07495443607410077549noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8469799195917789921.post-76084055163779355982010-06-01T15:38:00.000-05:002010-06-01T15:39:46.378-05:00

I have always had a wild heart. Not wild in the sense that it was unstable and out of control like the streets of a big city, but wild in the sense that the sunrise is wild....that the call of one creature to another is wild... There is this restless sense of peace, a violent calm, a desire to plunge into the depth of something wholly other than myself. As a child I was completely oblivious to

Amberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07495443607410077549noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8469799195917789921.post-61470804841838772142010-06-01T15:36:00.001-05:002010-06-01T15:38:20.705-05:00

Alive is a curious position to be in. Never quite fully in one place at once; we are who we have been, changing instantaneously now, pressing into something beyond our souls. I am who I shall be, for the promises and whispers of the mysteries that have swept across my heart. I am who I was, wide-eyed and experienced, curiosity the food for my ever searching mind. I am here, caught between ecstasy

Amberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07495443607410077549noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8469799195917789921.post-62851761656043747082010-06-01T15:33:00.002-05:002010-06-01T15:36:04.868-05:00

I don't know about you but I forget about things. Like in the winter I forget about the fresh smell of spring and in the summer I forget the joy of the first snowflakes. I forget about my mom's saturday morning pancakes. I forget how much I love watermelon. I forget the great feeling of fresh morning air. I forget about the new breath of newborns. I forget the joy of a hearty dance. I forget how

Amberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07495443607410077549noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8469799195917789921.post-57888727703261670632009-07-13T15:36:00.000-05:002010-06-01T15:36:38.949-05:00

Tonight my roommate Amber commented on how selfish she was... I, in turn, chimed in because I've been presented with my selfishness for about 2 weeks now as things just keep flying out of my mouth. I have also become acutely aware of the fact that something is askew with my relationship with God. Unfortunately, after having had a relationship with God for so many years, there is certain

Amberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07495443607410077549noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8469799195917789921.post-41449415889497579212008-11-20T15:29:00.004-05:002011-01-09T09:40:05.703-05:00

In a culture where there is mass histeria about youth and beauty, I sometimes find myself getting sucked in. I see perfectly toned bodies, inflated boobs, and puckered lips and it's a natural reaction to look in the mirror and begin taking inventory of how I fall short. A few minutes ago I was here (where I still am) doing internet things (*cough *cough wasting time) and I caught my reflection in

Amberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07495443607410077549noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8469799195917789921.post-21778487779668356962008-11-09T12:42:00.002-05:002008-11-09T12:50:22.238-05:00

Well, a couple weeks ago I was in the car with my friend Laura and she listens to Moody radio everyday. On the air was a guy named Chip Ingram was speaking and I thought he was awesome. He's very much into marriage and relationships God's way. I'm not usually very impressed with speakers but this guy is just real and plain spoken. He is great whether you are married or not. You can listen

Amberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07495443607410077549noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8469799195917789921.post-55002864265514925302008-11-08T15:33:00.001-05:002010-06-01T15:33:36.334-05:00

I just wanted to address a couple things in light of the election and the state of our country. It seems alot of my friends are dissappointed at the events that have taken place and feel that now our country is doomed. I hope to shead some light on the ideas that have been recently presented to me through prayer and discussion with other Christians. As I prayed for this election over the past

Amberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07495443607410077549noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8469799195917789921.post-82677328351398302202008-11-05T14:57:00.000-05:002008-11-09T12:51:50.485-05:00

I just wanted to address a couple things in light of the election and the state of our country. It seems alot of my friends are dissappointed at the events that have taken place and feel that now our country is doomed. I hope to shead some light on the ideas that have been recently presented to me through prayer and discussion with other Christians. As I prayed for this election over the past

Amberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07495443607410077549noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8469799195917789921.post-63703095735933249562008-10-26T18:06:00.000-05:002008-11-09T12:52:52.074-05:00

My neighbor is going through a very difficult time right now as her marriage is falling apart due to unrepentant infidelity on the part of her husband. It breaks my heart and I keep telling her that he doesn't deserve her. He says he loves her and their autistic son, but chooses to stay with his girlfriend of a year and hald and her three children from three different men. I am trying to be there

Amberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07495443607410077549noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8469799195917789921.post-49540974810780992182008-10-25T14:26:00.000-05:002008-11-09T12:53:31.756-05:00

I had a dream lastnight that, of course was weird, but was also strangely exciting. At first I was at a huge house preparing for something....seemed like a missions type thing....All I know is it had big wooden doors and lots of stairs. Then I dreamt a whole van full of orphans were coming to a camp "we" were hosting and they were from somewhere in Asia. When they arrived they were all mostly

Amberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07495443607410077549noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8469799195917789921.post-28845367382100060462008-10-06T21:55:00.000-05:002008-11-09T12:54:07.169-05:00

In a culture where there is mass histeria about youth and beauty, I sometimes find myself getting sucked in. I see perfectly toned bodies, inflated boobs, and puckered lips and it's a natural reaction to look in the mirror and begin taking inventory of how I fall short. A few minutes ago I was here (where I still am) doing internet things (*cough *cough wasting time) and I caught my reflection in

Amberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07495443607410077549noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8469799195917789921.post-53158052694655145632008-02-16T11:03:00.000-05:002008-02-16T11:04:04.644-05:00

This morning I woke up earlier than usual and went to let my friend's dog out. I opened the front door at 8am and was met by Spring. It was breath-taking! The air was crisp but not freezing, birds were singing from every direction, and the smell of new and growing things was all around me. I looked down to see a tulip growing in my flower box and hope sprang anew in my heart. The winters are by

Amberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07495443607410077549noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8469799195917789921.post-89031035145448275032008-02-01T11:04:00.000-05:002008-12-10T15:34:02.480-05:00

This week I have come to realize the treasures that God has placed in my hands at almost every step of my journey. From the outside, I am single and a student that has had a thousand odd jobs over the past 10 years. Not too much to show in the way of a collected life...no, house, no family, no career...or at least that is the way I have looked it at times... sadly. Over the years since high

Amberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07495443607410077549noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8469799195917789921.post-91291967316576332242007-12-13T14:22:00.000-05:002007-12-13T17:09:31.343-05:00

I'm sitting here in my living room and I have to record this moment. I had a revelation a couple minutes ago as I talked with my sister Rachel about how I feel presently and an incredible amount of hope and peace swept over me. Rachel was talking about finding peace in knowing she was right where she belonged. It hit me in my gut at that moment that I too was surrounded by the peace that comes

Amberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07495443607410077549noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8469799195917789921.post-33861487909882724242007-11-19T19:31:00.000-05:002007-11-19T19:55:42.908-05:00

I fear to blog as though everything I say must be deep and meaningful. I haven't written in a long time because of it but I'm just me and tonight I simply feel like expressing and contemplating things that go beyond beauty or right and wrong. There is a call in my heart....a call of the wild. A call to run past the boundaries of my conventional world and race into the arms of something

Amberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07495443607410077549noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8469799195917789921.post-4715737972160338082007-08-18T10:58:00.001-05:002007-08-18T11:11:19.604-05:00

This morning I read this excerpt from Oswald Chamber's My Utmost For His Highest and it really struck me. I thought it might speak to others so I thought I's post it here. "We always have visions, before a thing is made real. When we realize that although the vision is real, it is not real in us, then is the time that satan comes in his temptations, and we are apt to say it is no use to go

Amberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07495443607410077549noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8469799195917789921.post-25360545722528573722007-08-13T09:58:00.000-05:002008-12-10T15:34:02.683-05:00

The entry below is all about my internal reality but you might like to know about what's been going on outside. This summer, starting the end of May, I took a summer position as the art director at one of the local Boys & Girls Clubs here in Cleveland. We have about five that serve the underprivileged families in our area. Mine is in the roughest neighborhood in a housing authority complex on

Amberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07495443607410077549noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8469799195917789921.post-22990679653175026952007-08-12T11:22:00.000-05:002007-08-12T12:20:54.801-05:00

I haven't written in a very long time. I've wanted to do so many times but there has been too much forced silence in my soul to throw anything out there that made any sense. This summer has proven to be another desert experience, one of face offs with my deepest fears, one of silence towards God, and one where I have wallowed in ambitionless lethargy yet seething rage. It's hard to write in

Amberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07495443607410077549noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8469799195917789921.post-48087209428970350202007-05-26T12:05:00.000-05:002007-05-26T12:15:52.602-05:00

Last night my new friend Josh told me about a Jason Upton song "Fly". You can listen to it by clicking on the name. The story behind the song is: "There is no explanation for the last song, Fly, except that during the “do you see what I see” portion you will hear a soaring voice over the top of the other voices (6 minutes and 11 seconds into this section). At first we thought it was an ambient

Amberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07495443607410077549noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8469799195917789921.post-3884858356315237882007-04-20T08:54:00.000-05:002008-12-10T15:34:03.016-05:00

Here's an update of my external life. School is going well but I stuggle with motivation. Three major papers are done and two to go before finals. The weather is warming up again and it's been sunny for the most part. Please keep my friend Jaime in prayer. Her mom is dying of brain cancer and she doesn't have much longer. What else? On Sunday nights a bumch of my friends from The Mission

Amberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07495443607410077549noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8469799195917789921.post-41565370216829876222007-04-20T08:53:00.000-05:002007-04-20T08:54:47.727-05:00

Jeremiah 33:3 This are strange days of mystery and calling, brokeness and healing. Some things are just hard to explain, whether because by vocalizing them steals their essence or because there are no words. I'm beginning to discover who I am meant to be and not to fear that which I am called to even though it is greater and more intense than I know I can handle."Before I formed you in the womb

Amberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07495443607410077549noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8469799195917789921.post-27896726239664132902007-04-09T13:50:00.000-05:002007-04-09T14:04:30.013-05:00

"Let us be silent that we may hear the whispers of God." -Ralph Waldo EmersonI am not trying to be illusive in my silence, but more I have become enamored with life and it seems, for me, that these good times are more difficult to put into words than the hard ones. A few weeks back I was touched by God in a service and things have been different ever since. Before that I was at the end of my

Amberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07495443607410077549noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8469799195917789921.post-54015753731309966442007-03-21T11:45:00.001-05:002008-12-10T15:34:03.581-05:00

Amberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07495443607410077549noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8469799195917789921.post-87177806097059586052007-03-15T09:37:00.000-05:002008-12-10T15:34:03.764-05:00

This morning I have been reading journals written by men on the repression of women in the church. Something stirs inside me that I just want to weep with the weight of the injustice done to women throughout the ages in the name of decency and scripture. If any of you can get a hold of "I Suffer Not A Woman" by Kroeger, I strongly encourage you to. I do not consider myself a feminist because I do

Amberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07495443607410077549noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8469799195917789921.post-29582296684214890352007-03-05T14:24:00.001-05:002007-03-05T15:08:18.436-05:00

Obsession by DeliriousWhat can i do with my obsession?with the things i cannot seeis there madness in my beingis it the wind that blows the trees?sometimes you're further than the moonsometimes you're closer than my skinand you surround me like a winter fogyou've come and burned me with a kissand my heart burns for youand my heart burnsand i'm so filthy with my sini carry pride like a diseaseyou

Amberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07495443607410077549noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8469799195917789921.post-17108254988730269492007-03-02T14:31:00.000-05:002007-03-02T14:51:41.365-05:00

Yesterday was a hard day. I don't fit in here. I feel like what everybody thinks is the "norm" is so contrary to my personality. In my morning class I had to listen to Blabby McBlabberson drone on and on just hear the sound of his own voice. He isn't even the teacher but I'm convinced that he gets more words in edgewise. He has a strong accent so when he says "paper" he actually says "piper"

Amberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07495443607410077549noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8469799195917789921.post-59758102948392978482007-02-26T11:27:00.000-05:002008-12-10T15:34:03.878-05:00

Spring has come to Tennessee and with it a deeper sense of hope and purpose. To be honest, the last several weeks have been spent in confusion and depression. I could not concentrate on my studies, or on anything really. Everything felt like several circus acts going on around me and there was no way out to find peace. Most of you know that depression is something that has plagued me for

Amberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07495443607410077549noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8469799195917789921.post-5208733552980703502007-02-13T18:33:00.001-05:002007-02-12T20:02:53.899-05:00

I just can't get over these!

Amberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07495443607410077549noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8469799195917789921.post-3549688257430312362007-02-12T13:17:00.001-05:002007-02-12T13:13:28.753-05:00

This video is so funny. You should check it out!

Amberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07495443607410077549noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8469799195917789921.post-6669243670585787292007-02-06T18:05:00.002-05:002011-01-09T09:44:34.260-05:00

Today I am filled with longing for God. My soul yearns and reaches for His will, His breath, His face. This morning we went through the Passover ceremony and the necessity of priests to remain holy before their generation and then my next class we talked of the Holy Spirit and His infilling to create Witness to the generation. I'm overwhelmed by God in His awesomeness. He is so mysterious,

Amberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07495443607410077549noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8469799195917789921.post-53180302464737401662007-01-29T11:09:00.000-05:002007-01-29T14:39:16.089-05:00

All week I had felt God trying to get my attention but I wasn't ready to talk. Being back here has been like being in a tornado with boards and debris slapping me in the face when I least expect it. Many of you probably don't know specifics of what I did while in the ministry training program I was in. Much of it was awesome and life changing, but some of it was crushing and disrespectful. It

Amberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07495443607410077549noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8469799195917789921.post-5710286575653737152007-01-25T12:44:00.000-05:002007-01-25T12:59:29.403-05:00

So, these last few weeks have been a challenge. I adapt well to situations when I face them in a community setting, but when it is I and I alone that must adjust, it usually takes a few irrational moments, some pity parties, and a couple teary prayers to get me back on track. I'm feeling more stable this week. I think the "shoe" is starting to get broken in and the life going on around me

Amberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07495443607410077549noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8469799195917789921.post-65255854802580657712007-01-19T11:37:00.000-05:002008-12-10T15:34:04.497-05:00

It has been strange being back here in the Church of God religious center of the universe. It makes me smile to know that I'm free now. Not held here by moral obligation or rules as I was before (The Mission). Now I am here of my own volition and under my own rules. On the other hand, it leaves me with a big sigh in my chest as I try to figure out who I am here now. Not Master's Commission

Amberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07495443607410077549noreply@blogger.com1